My name is Vania and I am a lifestyle blogger , a single mother , a student, an entrepreneur with a severe ADD.
This is my journey I would like to share such as little moments that makes me happy or some constraints that can happen in life.
Miss Sonhador is a blog about personal growth and lifestyle creativity. Here I will share once a week new knowledge that I learned, people who inspires me, new experiences and more. This blog is all with aim of giving back hope.
This is my story.
I am an orphan who grew up 9 years in Haiti. After the death of my mother, a family member decided to volunteer to look after me while I was leaving for Canada. I experienced the abuse, because, this lady was very mean to me, she did not treat me like the others, nothing that I did was the right way. She gave me no love, I was always guilty which made me very introverted and with a great lack of self-esteem. What shocked me was that she went to the Evangelical Church and it had no effect on her, because I remember scenarios that before I even went to her service she could beat me and get to the church and she was acting as if nothing had happened. I hated the church. I could not say anything out of fear. I do not know why she hated me so much, this is my mission to ask her before she dies. The good thing I remember is that I never ran out of food.
I arrived in Canada at the age of 9 in the middle of winter and it was a little traumatic for me. All my life I dreamed of having a family that could love me as I am. Arrived in Canada, I lived alone with my grandmother and she too had an incomprehensible rage towards me. Basically, these two women totally traumatized my life and ruined all my childhood dreams. Fortunately today I realize that it was not my fault because I was just a child in search of love. I forgave them and all the people who have hurt me so that I can live in peace with myself, but the scars are still there, because looking at my 6 year old daughter today, I see through her the innocent little girl I was and still can’t imagine how an adult can do this to a kid.
At school, it was not good either from elementary to Highschool. I experienced a lot of intimidation, because I did not speak French well, I stammered and some said that I was ugly, too black, etc. I grew up in a ghetto and young girls and young boys keep arrasing me because I wasn’t like them. I was starting to double my school years, I had no concentration, I was couldn’t dream anymore. I had no project, no dream job and it was getting worse and worse to live with my grandmother. Even writing scripts and poems I did not have the right because once she found all my writings, she and an uncle humiliated me and beat me up. They threw several beautiful poems that I had written. After that I hated reading and writing.
When she finally kick me out of her house at age 17, I was relieved and lost at the same time. I had nowhere to go except with some friends. At the end of the 17th and 19th years it was the craziest time of my life, many times that I almost died either in drugs, alchool or with suicide attempts. In this period I was also very dependent emotionally. In summary, I did a lot of bad dating and I also did things that did not look like me. Because of the words that have been spoken about my life from an early age, I had no hope, I hated God even more to bring this suffering to someone who did not ask to be born.
At the age of 19, I became pregnant with a little girl. I kept it by value and I had hope that this child would be wonderful. I WAS RIGHT!!! His father did not want to take his responsibility so I raised this child alone. This pregnancy was very hard emotionally, because I had no money, I felt abuse, I was alone in an apartment and as if it was not enough, doctor told me that maybe my daughter would be trisomic because of an ‘anomaly’ found in the development of his brain. Throughout the pregnancy, I was on surveillance. I will not wish this adventure even to my greatest enemy.
I must say that at the end of my pregnancy, I came across people who completely transformed my life. I was given confidence again. It is, at that moment my life began, to transform itself for the better. Thanks to them I was able to get the help I needed, the food, the psychological help. They encouraged me to go back to school and get the number of degrees I wanted. These people replaced what I had not had since birth. Meanwhile I was traveling at last. I was able to venture into places that I have always dreamed of visiting with my daughter. I was also able to do small entrepreneurship projects that kept me busy. I also try to be an exemplary and loving mother for my daughter as I dreamed that we do for me.
I finally finished high school 5 after several attempts only at the age of 21. Believe it or not, but I love learning, I am a very curious girl, I have several interests that I would like to train. When I arrived at the University, I discver that I had a learning problem. Even if I did not miss my classes, I took notes, etc., I could not follow like the others, my learning method was very different from the others, so I worked very hard to try to find the method that was best for me.
After years of trial, error, failure and success, I have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder since birth. Many people think that ADD / ADHD is not a real ‘mental illness’ and it bothers me because it is very real. For someone with so many ambitions like me it’s very frustrating. We do not have a brain like the others, so as a consultant told me, my brain just needs glasses, as my eyes need glasses to see well. Thank God, my studies are better, despite everything I managed to have a university degree. I always manage to find the help I need.
To see since the genesis of my life and the woman I have become now allows me to share this strength with you. I am not perfect and I may not become so, but I always want to be better than the woman I was yesterday. Today, I find myself very beautiful, I find myself intelligent, I learned to forgive, I have many life projects, I am in peace. There is work to be done again, but with the new methods I will get the best out of me.
This blog is to give the following, to share with women, orphans, single mother, people who have suffered physical and psychological abuse the joy of living. Dream and live your life as your heart tells you, reject any negative word that harms your happiness.
I learned this word in my Portuguese course. Sonhador means ‘dreamer’, in feminine the name is ‘Sonhadora’. This beautiful name really represents me, I am a big dreamer. I started this name at the opening of an old hair company that was ‘Sonhador Angel’s Hair’ for some years. The mission was to share with other women different good quality products.
Now with this blog, I would like to allow other people to continue to dream whatever the diagnosis, age, family situation they are in. If Sonhador can give hope, ideas, to at least one mother, single parent, ADD / ADHD it would be a huge success for me.
I believe as soon as we wake up in the morning, God gives us a new beginning that will allow us to accomplish the wonderful things He had for us even before we were born. May we all learn to live fully and completely.♥♥♥♥♥
What do you want the most right now? What are you trying to do but can’t?